Kangaroo Mama

My visit to the NICU to see Ethan yesterday was a first for us.  Ethan and I got to share some time bonding all by ourselves.  Most moms have alone time almost immediately, whether it be feeding time, when the hubby runs some errands, or maybe even just a little time in the hospital right after delivery.  But those babies who are whisked away to the NICU are under constant surveillance and watch by a wonderful team of doctors and nurses, so the baby bonding time is minimal at first.

So yesterday when I arrived, I was so pleased to hear the nurse offer to start kangaroo care, where they lay the baby on the mother's bare chest and wrap them both in a warm blanket.  We waited until mid-afternoon between his every-three-hour assessments and I was left alone in the quiet darkness of Ethan's room with his tiny little body pressed against mine.  The goal of kangaroo care is not only bonding, but also to help the baby maintain their own body temperature by using the mothers temperature.  

What an amazing experience it was to know that the blood running through my veins and the heat my body was providing was once again helping to keep my baby healthy.  Among the many emotions that run through my body at any given time, is the fact that I'm missing out on part of a pregnancy that I was really enjoying.  As a mother, it makes you feel like a failure to know that your body wouldn't support the baby as long as it needed to.  So sharing that warmth, feeling his heart beat against mine, once again feeling his feet kick against my stomach…it gave me a sense of being able to provide for my baby once again as I had for the previous 28 weeks.  

I can't wait to return many times before Ethan leaves the NICU to settle into the recliner, wrap that warm blanket around myself, and snuggle into a calming pattern with Ethan.  Because even though we understand the benefits of kangaroo care for baby Ethan, it's amazing at how it warms my heart too.