Her purpose was to offer a hug

The day we left Ethan in the NICU for the first time we were inconsolable.  The front desk nurse needed to take my picture for security reasons and it took me 45 minutes just to be able to calm down enough for the photo.  I watched as parent after parent would check in at the desk, discuss friendly topics with the desk nurse, talk on their cell phones, and move in and out of the NICU without the up and down swells of emotion we were feeling.  That calm peace that those parents exhibited was so far from our reality at that moment.

But this week we seem to have turned a corner.  Oh, trust me I still tear up and fall apart at random moments.  But as I left the NICU the other day, I held my head high, said a prayer, and walked out tear-free.  

It was a sweet personal victory.  I felt like I could start counting myself as one of those parents I saw on that first day.  

As the emotions begin to even out and the hormones start to get a bit more level, it is becoming apparent to us that there is a bigger purpose to this bump in the road of life.  We aren't sure what it is right now, but we're eagerly looking to the future to figure it out.  

For sure, I'll continue to enter that NICU each time, check in, and at the same point in the hallway, I get a lump in my throat.  By the time I see room 242 with a sign on the door we made that says "Ethan's Room.  Sweet little baby boy…," the tears flow freely.  Every time I reach in his little plastic crib and he wraps his tiny fingers around mine, my heart breaks over and over.

But I'm aiming to be the calm and focused parent, just as the lady we met on the elevator when we left that first day.  She asked about our baby and said she had a baby in the NICU.  She remembered the first days when she too cried all the time.  But she promised that better days were ahead and offered a hug to send us on our way.

What a blessing she was that day, and I continue to hang on to her words and feel her embrace.  She doesn't realize that was her purpose that day.  I just hope we are able to offer that same comforting embrace in our bigger purpose.