Due dates and donations

Yesterday, Nov. 11, was special for me.  I don't know whether to say it was exciting, heart-wrenching, sad, or happy, but maybe a mixture of those emotions.  You see, yesterday was my due date.

It's hard to believe that to deliver a full-term baby I would just now be holding Ethan for the first time.  It seems like it was ages ago that my water broke and we faced some of the most difficult days of our lives.  And from the moment that the little life-flight airplane lifted off the tarmac, Nov. 11 has been the goal.  Everything has been aiming toward that date.

There have been several days that were our own milestones….the day I was supposed to have a baby shower, the day I packed away all of my maternity clothes, the day I had originally planned to have my c-section (Ethan never would have been a November baby due to the c-section, but Nov. 11 was 40 weeks), so it's nice to see this due date pass us.  It represents a finality of "preemie-ness," to use my own made up word.  Sure he'll have a doctors appointment here and there that will be due to his early birth, but for the most part from here on out we're looking at typical growth, development, and maturity.  

So yesterday was kind of an odd day, emotionally.  To celebrate the day, I bought a little chocolate cake from the grocery store with birthday sprinkles all over it.  We each got a slice last night for an evening snack and celebrated our little miracle.  But as I went to bed, I couldn't help but be sad….sad for the heartache, sad for the pain our baby had to endure, sad for the stress.  I guess it was time, once again, to have a little pity party.

Then I got up with Ethan at 3 a.m. for a feeding.  I was exhausted and he was ready to party.  I changed his diaper, gave him a bottle, and placed him on my chest.  Even in the darkness I could see his big blue eyes peering up at me.  And I started thinking….

I thought about baby Travelle.  His mommy is on one of my preemie mommy boards.  He was actually born at a later gestation than Ethan but he has had so many problems.  He's spent months in the NICU and still has many times when his life is at risk.  He's old enough now to look around, recognize his mama, and give her a look to let her know that he's having a bad day.  But she worries because the doctors give her looks telling her that the day may never come that she walks about the hospital with baby Travelle in his carrier.

I thought about one of the mothers in Trent's class, whom I called to talk about a class party and ended up telling her about Ethan.  She then told me that she too had a preemie, but he didn't make it more than a few hours.

I thought about the message that was left on our phone one day while we were in Topeka by one of Landon's superiors.  You could hear the lump in his throat as he told of his twin boys who were born about the same weight as Ethan, how he understood the emotions we were experiencing, and how only one of their babies came home.

I thought of all of the pictures on my preemie mommy boards online and how the soft lilly-white skin, the fuzzy heads, and chubby cheeks of some of those babies can be overshadowed by the glaring tube that still snakes its way from nose to tummy, even in babies who are a year old.  

And I remembered:  even though Nov. 11 was my due date and Ethan arrived on Aug. 20, it all happened for a a special reason.  We have a special mission in our lives now that was totally unexpected.  Our hearts break for families who we once held at arms length because of our ignorance about premature babies.  Ethan and Trent will both grow up knowing how special these tiny humans are and will hopefully have a desire to help make their lives better.

November is Prematurity Awareness Month.  Prematurity doesn't discriminate.  It doesn't care what color you are, your religion, your political preference, or how much money you make. You can be super healthy or not, young or old...it happens to us all.  

The March of Dimes is a non-profit group developed to do research on premature births and help make their early entrance into this world a little smoother.  I really don't know if a "cure" to premature births will ever be found because there are so many causes.  But the moment we walked into the NICU, the March of Dimes provided us with support materials to help us through that time.

Ronald McDonald House is a special charity to us.  Two weeks before my water broke, I remember very specifically being at my parents house watching television with Trent when a McDonald's commercial came on.  At the end they explained that the little hands image on every Happy Meal shows that a donation is made to RMH.  Trent asked me all about the RMH, thinking that is where Ronald McDonald lived.  I gave him the short version and told him that it is just for families of very sick babies.  We would never have to worry about it.

Two weeks later I felt like I was in the twilight zone when a social worker came in to my hospital room, sat next to me, and told how our family would benefit from the Ronald McDonald House located just down the street.  Even in that moment, I still thought, "That's for other people.  My family doesn't need that!"

Now I look back on about 20 nights spent in that big, beautiful home located two blocks from the hospital.  I even had other options sometimes to stay at different places but the RMH was a quiet refuge for a mom and family who bounced around hospital walls with dazed looks, ate at a different restaurant every night, and wanted some peace and quiet to calm our spirits. 

It wasn't until all of this happened that I began to understand giving to charities.  If you have a desire to give to either one of these charities, whether it's a donation  you want to make for the holidays or just another time during the year, here are a few ways:

• March of Dimes takes monetary donations through their website.  You can donate any amount and dedicate it to someone.  Their website also has videos and information about their charity and how the money is used.

The March of Dimes website is:  www.marchofdimes.com

• Ronald McDonald House accepts monetary donations.  They also appreciate physical donations and volunteer work.  Right now on their website there is a section called "30 Ways in 30 Days."  It explains the various ways to donate your time to any chapter.  There are chapters as close as Joplin, Tulsa, Wichita, Topeka, and Kansas City.  You can either go to them to help or search through their various suggestions to find a way that you can help.  We saw donated furniture, toys, toiletries, food, and more at the RMH of Topeka.  Just keep them in mind the next time you have a box of your kids toys that are heading to the thrift store and consider donating them to a RMH.

We will continue to stay in close contact with the house in Topeka.  If you have donations to make, you're welcome to give them to us and they'll get to the right place.  The Ronald McDonald House website is:  www.rmhc.org

Since Ethan was ready to party this morning at 3 a.m., I couldn't help but party with him after I remembered just how blessed we are to have his little warm body in our home and in our lives, no matter what date he arrived.  So he and I snuck to the kitchen, cut another piece of cake, and celebrated life.