Ethan's Homecoming Video

Ethan came home!

There aren't many fancy words or prose that can be used to share our good news.  It's pretty simple and yet one of the most joyous occasions of our lives.

Ethan came home!

We were thrilled last Monday to talk to our doctor and find out that the countdown was on.  She told us that if Ethan continued to eat all of his food from a bottle and didn't have any breathing problems, he was on track to be dismissed on Friday, Oct. 15.  She also warned us that many times one little problem can set back dismissal by a week, and that those little problems are fairly common.  So we waited each day, each feeding, each phone call to find out if he was still progressing with success, and he was.  

So Thursday afternoon Landon and I loaded up our van with all of the essential baby stuff, including the car seat, blankets, bottles, baby bag, clothes, and our own suitcases and headed north for one last time.  We completed several required classes and went out for dinner to celebrate.  That Friday morning when we arrived at the NICU, everybody knew what was about to happen because of the ear-to-ear grins we couldn't keep off our faces.  Ethan got a quick bath, was changed into clothes of his own, and was finally removed from the monitors and cords that held him in that NICU.

The staff came out to wish us well and tell Ethan goodbye, after all he had been a special guest for over 8 weeks!  And we left the hospital to drive home with our baby boy in tow.  

Now we feel complete.  Now our family of four turns of the TV, spreads a blanket on the floor, and stares at this little bundle of wonderment.  Now we play soft music and rock him to sleep.  And now, even with the middle of the night feedings, we all sleep.  

It's hard to explain our state of mind since Aug. 11 when I was rushed to the Topeka hospital.  We've had our highs and lows in life before.  This experience had those highs and lows, but it was almost as if we were in an alternate universe for that period of time.  And when we drove home on Friday, it felt like we were driving back into a normal life…comfort and stability.

To be sure, the first thing I did was unpack our luggage after numerous nights staying at different places in Topeka.  I emptied my cosmetics into the drawer in our bathroom, threw away the remnants of the travel soaps, washed every stitch of clothing in hot water, sprayed down the suitcases with Lysol, and tucked it all away to be used for a fun vacation someday in the future.

But for now we're leaving the suitcases in the closet and staying home.  For the time being, we'd rather lay on the floor, talk softly, and enjoy life as a family of four.  

Preparing for a homecoming

It's like the night before the biggest, dream vacation of your life.  You prepare all your clothes, pack the bags, double check tickets, count pairs of underwear, fill the cosmetics, and make sure everything is just where you need it to head out the door to your exciting destination the next day.  Then you lay in bed and worry about the things you may have forgotten, whether or not you'll make the plane on time, if the clothes you chose are the right ones, or the different people you'll encounter on your journey.  

It's like that, but so much bigger.  We're not preparing for a vacation.  We're preparing to bring home our baby Ethan!

Two months ago I was planning a fall baby.  I'd hoped to schedule his delivery sometime around the last week in October when Landon and Trent are both out of school for a few days.  But on a hot August day, 92 days before I was due, my water broke much too soon and a little over a week later we had a 2 pound, 6 ounce baby boy named Ethan.

Today, 55 days later, he has gained three more pounds, grown over two inches in length, learned to breathe without help from machines, digested food, taken bottles, and won the hearts of so many who have prayed for him, cried for him, hugged his family, shared kind words, and held him close.  

And we prepare to bring him home.

It's still a bit of a mystery exactly what day we'll bring him home.  There is a criteria he has to meet in order to go home that includes maintaining body temperature, sleeping in a crib, taking full bottles, breathing on his own, and several other rules.  He's accomplished most of these and the last few are close.

So we know we're close too.  We're close to choosing the perfect outfit for the ride home.  Close to packing his tiny little body into a car seat and gingerly taking curves on the highway to get home.  Close to showing him the nursery, his brother's room, our living room, and his new home.  Close to 3 a.m. feedings that we haven't been able to participate in thus far, baths with soft wash cloths and yummy smelling baby soap, snuggling on the couch with our little boys as we watch a football game, and watching the simple yet miraculous act of him inhaling and exhaling that sweet baby air.  

It's similar to that dream vacation, but oh, so much bigger!.  We've packed the bags, picked out the clothes, filled out the paperwork, and made sure everything is lined out just as it should be.  But our journey isn't a quick, one week cruise or a moment on a sandy beach.  Instead it's a lifelong journey that will surely have some challenges, yet  it will be overflowing with love and laughter.  Continue the journey with us, dear friends, as we continue to share our story coming to life.  

Suck, swallow, breathe...

This afternoon I gave Ethan a bath in his hospital room, rubbed him down with lotion, wrapped him in a warm blanket, and sat down to attempt to bottle feed him, which is a task he hasn't quite mastered.  Preemies aren't born with the "suck, swallow, breathe" reflex coordinated.  They can suck, swallow, and breathe, but not all at once.  

After a minute or two of trying him with the bottle, his body went limp, the color out of his face, milk poured out of his mouth, and alarms started sounding to alert the nurses to come help.  We repeated this scene about three times in 10 minutes.  It's "perfectly normal" for preemies to experience these apnea and bradycardia attacks, but that still doesn't keep this mama from feeling scared, sad, and helpless in those moments.

But those trained, skilled nurses came to his rescue in such a calm, gentle manner.  They were reassuring and tender in their approach, and now an hour later he is breathing steadily, has a full belly (through the feeding tube), and is sound asleep.

Surely God looks down at us sometimes and wonders when we're going to get the "suck, swallow, breathe" reflex.  He feeds us the best quality, nutrient rich, life saving formula that is filled with love, joy, peace, and all of the other good stuff.  Yet we choke and sputter on it, sometimes even forgetting to breathe when He is offering us food.  

Our immature hearts must grow and develop in order to take what He gives us, allowing us to become the men and women of God that He created us to be.

Someday soon our little baby is going home with us and on that day he'll be eating from a bottle like a champ.  And at some point he'll move on to regular milk, baby foods, and eventually join us at the dinner table with our own home cooked meals. 

We've had baby foods, milk, and solids, but there are moments in this season of life where we must close our eyes, fully trust God, and remember to "suck, swallow, and breathe."